To
make sure we’ll all up to speed, I thought we’d start off with a
little refresher course on things you hopefully covered in previous
classes: namely, thesis statements, topic sentences, organization,
etc., then briefly talk about argumentative fallacies. This is stuff
we’ll work on throughout the semester so please feel free to ask
questions!
For
the essay below, give it a once-over and try to identify the draft’s
thesis, any problems with the draft’s focus and organization, ways it
could be improved, etc. In other words, pretend you’re peer reviewing this paper. Also, look at the topic sentences and see if they work or not.
Sample Essay
For
my Researched Family Narrative I have chosen to write about my family.
My family has a lot to do with who I am as a human being and a future
member of the American work force. Family is important because they
help define who you are. Good or bad. That’s certainly true in my
case! To
help with this paper I interviewed two members of my family and also
did some research on alcoholism and how it can affect a family, also I
did some research on my major field of study. This helped understand
certain things about myself and my family that I will talk about in this
paper.
Looking
back, I think my father had a lot of anxiety or depression and
probably should have gotten medication or counseling but that wasn’t
really done back then. His father, my grandpa, is the same way. I
remember he drank a lot and would speak abusively to others. Both he
and my dad drink too much which had a really bad affect on the rest of
the family.
However,
I don’t want to give the impression that they’re both bad men. My dad
is really generous, for example. He is a great carpenter and like my
grandpa, he has a deep respect for nature. I
believe this has led me to the career path I am on now, hoping to be
an architect, so I can use my imagination and attention to detail to
improve the world around me. According to MyMajors.com, “Architects
have a key role in the shaping of our environment” (par. 1). My
degree will allow me to help others, which is very important to me,
since I want to have a positive impact and not a negative one.
Focusing
mainly on my dad, I think some of the negative impacts his problems
have had on me is that I feel a lot more anxious and less confident than
my peers. This is no surprise because the children of
alcoholic parents often “…have common symptoms such as low self-esteem,
loneliness, guilt, feelings of helplessness, fears of abandonment, and
chronic depression (Berger, pg. 216).
Most
people don’t like to talk about their problems, or things they don’t
like and can’t change, and my family is the same way—a trait I don’t
like. I tried to interview several members of my family, as I said. My
sister refused so I tried asking my mom some questions about what it’s
like to be married to someone like my dad, she got really
uncomfortable. “You can’t stop other people from making
mistakes. You just have to choose whether or not you are going to
support them” (Doe, Jane). I disagree with this, at least the second part. It’s
true that we can’t necessarily stop others from making mistakes but
part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your own actions and
not putting up with it when they refuse to do so. That’s another important lesson I’ve learned from my family.
When
I think of the kind of parent I want to be, should I have a family of
my own down the road, I want to be observant and receptive of how
they’re doing and also support their career choice. I want to be
responsible, admit it when I make mistakes, and do what I can to improve
myself. Being an architect and a good parent are ways I can accomplish
this.
What
a Good Thesis Statement Should Do:
1)
Argue
for the writer’s position on an issue, whether it’s personal, political,
cultural, etc.
2)
Be
as clear and specific as possible.
3)
Take
some degree of risk.
What
a Thesis Statement SHOULD NOT Do:
1)
Simply
restate a fact or opinion that is commonly held by just about everyone (no
risk).
2)
Begin
with (or contain) the phrase, “In this paper, I am going to talk about…” or
anything like that. The reason to avoid
this is because it’s too general and overused and sounds lazy.
Examples of Bad
Thesis Statements:
1) I believe my parents were right when they said that hard
work is more important than ability.
2) My siblings helped shape who I am.
3) Losing a parent is a very tough thing for a child to go
through.
Examples of Good Thesis Statements:
1) My parents’ encouragement and
positive attitude helped shape my belief that hard work is more important than raw
ability. This helped me be a better student and athlete, even when competing
against others who may have had greater ability but a less disciplined work
ethic. This also taught me to learn from
my failures.
2) My siblings helped shape who I am
by supporting me throughout some very difficult times, often serving as
surrogate parents. This helped me
develop a stronger sense of compassion and loyalty. However, we also endured frequent, heated
disagreements. These actually served as
a benefit as well by helping me develop greater patience and understanding.
3) Losing my mother at an early age
was devastating, but it also taught me the necessity of appreciating those
around me and keeping the troubles of daily life in perspective.
Even though we almost always have
to go back and refine our thesis statements once we’ve written the rest of the
paper, having a really specific thesis statement can give you a solid, helpful
framework for the rest of the paper. Take
the first revised thesis as an example.
If you package it in an introduction, then end the paragraph with your
thesis (underlined below), you can then use the thesis to come up with the
TOPIC SENTENCES for several body paragraphs.
Introduction:
Whether it was my mother telling
jokes to help ease the tension as she helped me study for a pre-calculus test, or
my father helping me practice free-throws underneath the rusty basketball rim
he nailed to our garage, I consider myself lucky to grow up in a household with
two supportive parents who encouraged me to do my best in everything. My parents’ encouragement and positive
attitude helped shape my belief that hard work is more important than raw ability.
This helped me be a better student and athlete, even when competing against
others who may have had greater ability but a less disciplined work ethic. This also taught me to learn from my
failures.
Body Paragraph 1:
In high school, I remember being
pretty embarrassed because of my struggles with math, especially when I took
Pre-Calculus. For one thing, my mother
majored in business and can do complex arithmetic in her head. For another, two of my best friends were the
same way and hardly needed to study at all.
I was genuinely worried about failing.
[The paragraph can go on to describe how the writer’s mother helped him
study, how he ended up doing well despite math not being a strong subject for
him, etc.]
Body Paragraph 2:
Although I was far from the best
basketball player at school, my parents’ encouragement also helped me to
succeed in that area, as well. [The
paper could go on to describe another scene, then end with a transition, maybe
something like “But sometimes, hard work isn’t enough. In situations like that, my parents taught me
that how one deals with failure is very important.”]
Body Paragraph 3:
I was devastated when, despite all my
hard work, I failed my first and second Calculus exams and decided to drop the
class. [The author could go on to
describe the scene a little bit more, maybe relate some advice given by his/her
parents, incorporate a quote, etc.]
Body Paragraph 4:
[In this paragraph, maybe the author
could describe losing a basketball game, how he/she dealt with that loss, any
lessons it taught, etc. Or maybe he/she
could describe another incident of learning from a failure, incorporate a quote
from a psychological study on the value of competition and/or failure, or
ruminate on a famous quote like this one from Friedrich Nietzsche: “That which
does not kill us makes us stronger.”]
Conclusion:
[In this paragraph, the author can catch us up to
speed, RESTATE THE THESIS, and talk about how those lessons continue to
influence his/her life today. Note: be
very careful about incorporating brand new information in the conclusion since
major points should probably be mentioned earlier.]
Gauging a Rhetorical Situation
To understand the rhetorical situation you find yourself in, basically just consider these four elements: topic, purpose, audience, and author. That
they’re all related is pretty obvious; remembering that they’re also
separate, though, is a great way to make sure we’ve covered all the
elements we need to cover in our writing.
In other words, when you’re doing a research project, consider your purpose. Is
the project’s goal just to gain and then regurgitate information in an
essay, or to use your research to back up your actual opinions on that
topic and maybe even change your audience’s minds?
If
your goal is to really affect your audience, it helps to know (or be
able to make an educated guess) as to how your audience actually feels
about that topic. That means trying to get in your
audience’s head by anticipate their bias, background, or general
opinions or concerns they may have, etc., then selecting your approach
and word choice accordingly.
Three Basic Types of Audiences
1) Those who agree with you (shared ethos)
a.
You don’t have to worry as much about coming across as offensive,
or laying out your case, since you’re already “preaching to the choir”.
b.
Don’t have to use as much logos (logical appeal) since they
already agree with you; can use more pathos (appeals to emotions).
2) Those who disagree with you (opposing ethos)
a. VERY easy to come across as offensive if you’re not careful with your word choice.
b. If you come across as hostile, you have no chance of reaching any kind of compromise.
c. Should rely less on pathos, more on logos. Try to find a common ethical ground.
3) Those who are undecided
a. Can utilize appeals based on ethos, pathos, and logos.
b.
You don’t have to be quite as careful as when you’re addressing an
audience that disagrees, but you still have to be careful if you want
to persuade them.
Example:
A
student (we’ll call him Biff) chooses tattoos as his research project
because he has a lot of them, doesn’t like the stigma associated with
tattoos, and wants to change the average person’s minds. He
also acknowledges that some people don’t put enough thought into their
tattoos, so he wants to mention that in his paper, as well.
Topic: Tattoos
Purpose: Support his thesis that it’s discriminatory to judge someone based solely on their ink.
Personal Research: Biff
can mention his personal experiences with his own tattoos, as well as
anyone he’s known who was treated in a positive or negative light based
solely on their appearance.
Audience: Biff
assumes that his audience isn’t very familiar with tattoos so he
provides a little background on them, acknowledges that some people make
poor or impulsive decisions when it comes to tattoos, but also
mentions how that can be true of anyone in any situation. Finally,
by talking about the significance of his own tattoos (how they’re
meaningful, the thought he put into them, etc), he’s able to connect
more effectively with his audience.
Class activity:
1)
Working in groups, choose a topic. You can come up with something
related or stereotypes, or choose something entirely different, if you
like.
2) Identify the purpose of the hypothetical research project.
3) Are
you assuming your audience is undecided, that it already agrees with
you and just needs to be bolstered, or that it disagrees with you?
4) Create
a kind of psychological profile for your audience. What might be some
of their biases or concerns, and how might you address them?
5) Where might you go and/or who might you talk to so that you can collect some additional research on this topic?
Another
primary challenge in good writing is establishing your credibility.
Once you’ve done that, you can break the rules in moderation, so long as
you realize you’re breaking the rules, and you’re doing it for a reason. In
every paper, realize that you can be creative, funny, even
outrageous—but you have to demonstrate first that you know the formal
rules, you know what you’re talking about, and the reader had better
take you seriously.
Being able to address audiences who may disagree with you is a vital and important skill to develop.
Situation 1: Imagine you hold a Pro-Choice position and you’re writing to a mostly Pro-Life audience. Your
goal is not to offend them, but to convince them to meet you halfway
on a particular issue (say, a piece of legislation on birth control). What are some phrases/words you would not use in your argument? In other words, what would be the wrong way to characterize the Pro-Life position in this case?
Situation 2: Same
question, but reverse it. Now imagine you have a Pro-Life stance and
you’re trying to convince a Pro-Choice person or group. What would be
the wrong way to characterize that group?
Logical Fallacies (aka Logical Mistakes)
In addition to showing respect for people of different viewpoints, it’s crucial that you avoid logical fallacies, or logical mistakes, in your arguments. In general, fallacies are arguments that often sound convincing, or at least very emotional, but actually don’t hold water. While
different types of fallacies have different names (hasty
generalization, either/or reasoning, bandwagon appeals, ad hominem, non
sequitur, arguments from incredulity or ignorance, etc), it’s not
really important to me that you remember the names. Instead, I just want you to get a feel for what is and isn’t a sound argument. For starters, read over the following statements and see if you can identify the problem in the person’s reasoning.
1) When
our daughter got sick, we couldn’t afford to take her to the doctor.
So we prayed for her to get well, and she did. Obviously, she was saved
by prayer!
Rebuttal: What if she just had a cold? Just because B follows A, it doesn’t mean that A caused B.
2) My
lazy neighbor is proof of how bad the welfare system is! He uses his
food stamps to buy junk food and doesn’t take care of his kids. The
whole program should be scrapped!
Rebuttal:
People frequently try to draw conclusions based on just one or two bad
examples—which doesn’t work. Also, the speaker in this case may not be
aware that, on average, people on welfare have 1.7 jobs and 40% of them
have two jobs!
3) Either you’re pro-choice on abortion or you don’t value the Constitution.
Rebuttal:
Reducing complex situations to just two options is another tactic of a
weak-minded rhetor. Can you imagine someone who is pro-life and values the Constitution? Of course!
4) Either you’re pro-life or you don’t think babies have the right to live.
Rebuttal: Again, can you imagine someone who is pro-choice and loves their children? Of course!
5) If you don’t agree with the ways the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have been conducted you must have forgotten all about 9/11!
Rebuttal:
Especially when one side doesn’t want you to point out their flaws,
they try to trick you into staying quiet but implying that you’re
unpatriotic, that you don’t value children or freedom, etc. Again, just
ask yourself if you can imagine an exception to the rule.
6) All those scientists must be lying about climate change or else they’d trade in their cars for a horse and cart!
Rebuttal: ad hominem attacks are very common. They
occur when one weak-minded, usually desperate rhetor doesn’t know how
to counter another’s argument, so they just make fun of him/her/them
instead. In this case, even if a particular scientist were a hypocrite, that doesn’t refute all their research and evidence.
7) I don’t think smoking crack is really all that bad. After all, lots of people do it!
Rebuttal: A lot of people doing something—or a famous person’s endorsement—doesn’t necessarily mean something is a good idea.
8) Officer, why are you arresting me? My roommate drives drunker than this all the time and gets away with it!
Rebuttal:
This is similar to the argument that I shouldn’t punish a certain
student for plagiarism or being disruptive in class, because someone
else did it worse. As the old saying goes, two wrongs don’t make a right.
9) You can’t prove that God doesn’t exist, so God must exist.
Rebuttal:
At one point, it was impossible to prove that matter was made up of
atoms or that black holes existed. Just because you can’t prove
something doesn’t make it false.
10) You can’t prove that God exists, so God must not exist.
Rebuttal: Same thing.
11) I can’t imagine that you could have aced that test without cheating. Therefore, you must have cheated.
Rebuttal:
This is called an argument from incredulity. Again, just because
someone can’t imagine something doesn’t make it false.
Try to figure out what’s wrong with these last four statements on your own.
12) Justin Bieber has sold millions of records. I guess that means he’s a great singer!
13) I don’t understand how human beings could have possibly landed on the moon so the moon landing must have been faked.
14)
You can't prove to me that fossils were put there by the Devil to trick
us into believing in evolution. Therefore, it's possible that fossils
were put there by the Devil.
15) The Nazis were creative. Therefore, creative people are more likely to be Nazis.
Now, get in groups of 3-4 people and come up with a few bad arguments of your own.
TESTING OUT WHAT WE'VE LEARNED...
PART 1
Let’s look at a hypothetical situation and see if we can cover some good, logical ground while avoiding fallacies. Pretend you
are composing a research project on the subject of the legal drinking age. Your opinion is that the legal drinking age
should be lowered to 18. Your primary argument
for this is that it’s an issue of freedom; since 18-year-olds are considered
legal adults, they should have the freedom to choose whether or not they can
consume alcohol. You have also done a
lot of research on European countries that have lower drinking ages and less
alcohol-related deaths, and your assumption is that lowering the drinking age
might actually lessen or eliminate the desire to drink out of rebellion or
curiosity. An additional benefit of lowering
the drinking age would be greater sales of alcohol (which may boost the
economy), and less money and time spent on arresting and prosecuting underage
drinking.
Now, assume your audience completely disagrees with you. Here is their case:
1) Scientific research suggest that human brains continue to
develop until one is twenty-one, therefore twenty-one year olds typically
possess greater maturity.
2) The age of eighteen corresponds to most people moving
away from home, so if we add the additional freedom of unsupervised drinking, alcohol-related deaths
and injuries will increase.
3) Lowering the drinking age could cause a dramatic increase
in alcohol-related deaths. No politician
wants to be viewed as responsible for passing a law that caused more deaths.
4) Comparisons of the United States to European countries is
not valid because we have a difficult culture and might respond differently
than they do.
5)
Assume the opposition also presents testimony from the families of
teens who died from underage drinking. They make an emotional appeal
that the legal drinking age should not be lowered.
Now, your job is to try and come up with some kind of rebuttal. In other words, poke some holes in their argument.
PART 2
Watch this video, an interview between CNN's Anderson Cooper and Congressman Louie Gohmert, on the subject of "terror babies." Gohmert's belief is that terrorist women will try and give birth in the United States to make their babies American citizens, go home and raise them as terrorists, then send them back to perform terrorists acts. See if you can identify flaws and fallacies in Gohmert's argument. Also, pay attention to how Anderson Cooper refutes him.
Glossing
For anyone having trouble
organizing their points, one of the best and easiest tricks you can use
to tighten up your writing is a technique called
glossing. Basically, glossing is just reading through a
paragraph and noting in the margins a few words or phrases that relate
to everything in that paragraph. Here’s an example:
While the American Civil
War is commonly thought to be a conflict over the legality of slavery,
there were other factors that contributed to the conflict, as well. For example,
the North and the South had substantially
different economies and ways of life. Also, both sides had vastly
different interpretations of government philosophy as put forth by
Thomas Jefferson, with the North emphasizing Jefferson’s opinions on
abolition while the South emphasized his opinions on
states’ rights apart from the government as a whole. Especially in the
matter of secession, Southerners believed they had the right to secede,
while Northerners believed they did not. These vast differences of
opinion came to a head when Abraham Lincoln—a
Northerner and an abolitionist—was elected president.
If you
were to gloss the paragraph above, how could you sum up all the
information that’s there? You might simply write “Causes of the Civil
War” off to the side, since every sentence related
back to that in some way. Now, imagine if we revised the paragraph
above with a couple extra points (italicized), like this:
While the American Civil
War is commonly thought to be a conflict over the legality of slavery,
there were other factors that contributed to the conflict, as well. For example,
the North and the South had substantially
different economies and ways of life. Also, both sides had vastly
different interpretations of government philosophy as put forth by
Thomas Jefferson, with the North emphasizing Jefferson’s opinions on
abolition while the South emphasized his opinions on
states’ rights apart from the government as a whole. Jefferson was
himself a slave-owner, although he wrote often and eloquently about the
immorality of slavery. Many scholars point out the hypocrisy of this.
There are also indications that he had a
long-standing affair with a slave named Sally Hemings, with whom he
fathered several children. Especially in the matter of secession,
Southerners believed they had the right to secede, while Northerners
believed they did not. These vast differences of
opinion came to a head when Abraham Lincoln—a Northerner and an
abolitionist—was elected president.
Notice how
the extra sentences on Jefferson seem out of place? While the
information is interesting and might still be helpful to the essay,
those sentences would be better off elsewhere—maybe in
a paragraph about the hypocrisies of some Founding Fathers' attitudes on
slavery. When you gloss your own papers (or others’ papers during peer
review), make a note if a sentence seems out of place. This is a very
quick, very easy way to improve your writing!
Exercise: Read
through the following sample paragraph and note what seems awkward or
out of place. How would you fix it? Note: You might find more than one
problematic area.
Gun violence in high
schools and colleges around the country is often blamed on a long list
of factors. Just some of these factors include: the ready availability
of firearms, glamorous portrayals of violence in
the media, the alleged apathy of the teenage generation, and the
so-called decay of “traditional” family values. I remember when I
learned of a school shooting at the University of Iowa, where I received
my undergraduate degree. At first, I was worried that
my favorite professors might have been injured or killed. Afterwards, I
blamed the school for not responding to the killer’s depression in
time. Of all the factors mentioned above, the media is most often
blamed for gun violence. The media includes news,
movies, radio, and television. I do not believe it is accurate to
blame violence on the decay of “traditional” family values because our
country’s history also includes such immoral actions as slavery, the
genocide of Native Americans, segregation, child
molestation within the clergy, and other travesties that are generally
considered by this generation to be unthinkable. My great-aunt was also
a life-long victim of spousal abuse, but until relatively recently, she
suffered in silence because her plight was
commonly viewed as a private matter between a husband and wife.
7 Common Mistakes in Essay Writing
(and how to fix them…)
Being
the fantastic, caring professor that I am, I’ve compiled a list of the
7 most common mistakes I’ve noticed on papers from past courses I’ve
taught. Feel free to use these when you’re writing your
own college papers, or (if you want to make me really happy) implement
them to improve your writing for the rest of your natural life.
1. Vague or unclear thesis.
One
of the hardest things in composing a successful paper can be figuring
out how to summarize your entire argument in just one sentence.
Oftentimes, what you think you want to argue at first isn’t actually the
direction the paper ends up going. One tactic that can be helpful here
is to write your thesis after you’ve written the rest of the
paper, and you have a better feel for the paper as a whole. Then,
simply weave the thesis into the beginning paragraph. By the way, don’t
be afraid to make your theses edgy, but remember to be specific. For
example, never just say that “Martin Luther King Jr. was a great
leader” when you can say “Martin Luther King Jr. exemplified the spirit
of the civil rights movement by uniting both blacks and whites in
successful nonviolent protest”.
2. Excessively passive voice, or a tone that lacks confidence. Remember
that in your papers, you’re trying to convince your reader of
something, even though your reader may strongly disagree with you.
Don’t exaggerate or be insincere, but don’t be timid either. Adopt a
strong, active, confidence voice. For
example: “Some people say that Moore uses some excessive tactics in
his documentary that, in my opinion as in the opinion of others, might
lessen his credibility.” Notice how vague and uncertain that sounds?
Try
this: “Clearly, Moore uses tactics that undercut the seriousness of
these issues, and flaunts his desire to entertain at the cost of his
credibility as a serious filmmaker.”
3. Presents an argument that is too one-sided. If
you don’t do your homework, it shows. If you don’t consider the other
side of an issue when you write your paper, your writing won’t be nearly
as strong. Don’t be afraid to show the whole picture, even if part of
it seems to go against your thesis. For
example, if you’re writing a paper that criticizes Michael Moore,
you’ll actually convince your reader that you’re more reasonable and
intelligent if you can show the other side too: “Despite his penchant
for exaggeration, Moore still touches on the sickness of apathy in our
country, as propagated by the news media. The questions he poses about
why we still harbor so much racism and ill will in this country are
tough, and hard to answer.” If
you feel like you’ve been too complimentary in a paper that’s seeking
to be a criticism, you could follow up that paragraph with something
like: “Nevertheless, Moore’s illustrations of media sensationalism and
racism in this country are overshadowed by his willingness to
exaggerate—even lie—to prove his point.”
4. Asks too many questions, instead of making statements. By wary of the question mark in your paper. While
many issues cannot be answered simply, it sounds passive and uncertain
when you ask lots of questions throughout your paragraphs, as a
prelude to addressing an issue. In other words, if you’re
going to write a paragraph about whether or not Janet Jackson was
wrong for showing her nipple at the Super Bowl halftime show, try to
avoid saying: “So should Jackson have considered who might be watching
her performance before she did what she did? Yes. Are kids’ minds going
to melt because they caught a brief glimpse of a natural part of the
human body? No.” Note: The proceeding tactic could be effective if used very sparingly. As a rule of thumb, don’t use question marks more than once—maybe twice—in a longer paper.
5. Paragraphs are too jumbled, and the paper isn’t very well organized. Lack of organization makes your paper sound sloppy, and it will usually result in a low (even failing) grade. To
avoid this, try writing outlines or cluster diagrams before you start
the paper, so you have a template for what each paragraph should
contain. If that’s not your style, at least gloss each
paragraph when you’re done, to make sure all your information is in the
right place.
6. Sentences are choppy with poor grammar and informal word choice. For
this one, remember that (believe it or not) you’re smart, educated
individuals with something to say. But
if your paper sounds too casual, or your sentences sound sloppy and
jump from topic to topic without a smooth transition, your reader
will—quite frankly—think you’re stupid. They might also think that if
you misuse punctuation, or misspell words. Don’t be afraid to read your
paper out loud to make sure it “sounds right”, and really work to iron
out the rough spots.
7. Citations are incorrect, quotes are improperly used, and a paper’s sources are uncredible in the first place. The
internet makes it easy to do research, but it’s also tricky because
anyone can say something on the interent; that doesn’t necessarily mean
it’s true. Don’t believe everything you read; as a rule,
try to confirm every piece of information at least once via a credible
news site before you place it in your paper. Also, never just
toss in a quote without explaining its relevance. Even
if someone else’s words perfectly sum up your feelings on an issue,
you still have to indicate why you agree/disagree with that person.
Also, be careful with citations. I’ve mentioned this about a dozen
times, but when doing citations, the period goes after the parentheses. Within
the parenthesis, you list the author’s name (unless you give it in the
body of the sentence), and either the page number of a printed source,
or the paragraph number of an online source. As with
your Works Cited page, spend some time doing it right; teachers less
generous than me might be unwilling to look past these mistakes,
because they’ll think you were too lazy to correct them.
In conclusion….
Finally, here's a sample Researched Narrative from another class. Compare and contrast this with the rough draft we read earlier.
Researched Narrative
“You’re having triplets.”
These were the words said to my parents
when they went in for their first doctor’s appointment almost 21 years ago. At
this time, my parents already had a son who was nine years old. When they told
the news to my brother, all he wanted was for one of us to be a boy. Instead,
he went from being an only child to having three sisters. Being a triplet has shaped
how I live my entire life; though I am dependent, I am also confident, a
leader, hard working and have learned important life lessons because of my
sisters, grandparents and parents.
I am more dependent because I am a
triplet. I never had to go to school, summer camp or sporting events on my own.
I was given two lifelong friends to depend on when I was born and I believe the
bond we have with each other is stronger than most. Even in my other
relationships, I depend on the people I am around to always be there and often
times want them to “drop everything” for me. I expect them to do this because
this is what I would do for them. Although I can do many things for myself, I
still rely on people to help me. People say that dependence is a bad thing but
I think if you spend your whole life being independent and never relying on
anyone else, you are not living a fulfilling life.
As I became older, my dependence translated
into confidence. I am able to be more confident in the choices that I make
because I know my sisters will back me up and be there for me even if I make
the wrong choice. I am also more confident in how I present myself. Growing up,
I had to be confident in order to be good at whatever I did. If I lost my
confidence, I knew my sister would become better than me or push me until I
became better. An example of this happened while playing high school softball.
Many girls on the team would come in the dugout and throw their helmet if they
struck out; I was not one of these girls. I knew that even if I did strike out,
I could not lose confidence and should expect to get a hit in my next at bat. I
had to so that I would have more hits in the game than my sister would. The
confidence that I gained during this time also helped me become a leader.
I emerged as a leader early in my life
and continue to be one today. When I was little and started to do something, my
sisters would also begin doing it. My mom remembered one night when we were
three and I began climbing onto the end table and rolling onto the couch, over
Molly, and onto the floor. A minute later, Melissa began to do the same thing
(Harber). Later, in high school, I hit three homeruns in my entire career.
Melissa hit a homerun after me in the same game, every single time. Being a
leader has many advantages to it especially in today’s society. Often time,
companies want employees who will begin tasks on their own instead of waiting
around for a task to be given to them. Even in my job at the Recreation Center
at Ball State, I find myself doing tasks that were not asked of me. Being a
leader is only one important skill that I learned growing up though.
I began to learn things from my grandma
and grandpa at a young age. I never lived less than a mile away from my
grandparents; my mom and dad lived in a house on the same farm that my grandma
and grandpa lived on. Because we lived so close to them, my grandma and grandpa
helped my parents raise us; having an active nine year old son and one baby
under the age of one is hard enough, let alone three babies. My grandma and
grandpa watched us during the day while our brother and parents were at work.
Even when my mom and dad were home, our grandparents were always over at our
house, or we were over at theirs. Shortly after we were born, my dad added a
path through the cornfield so that we could walk to my grandma and grandpa’s
house without having to walk on the street. My grandma always tells me the story
of when I was three and walked through the corn to their house. She said “Does
your mom know that you’re over here?” I replied with a no (Gutmann). As we got
older, we began learning things from our grandma and grandpa. Our grandpa was a
co-pilot for the Army Air Corps during World War Two. When we were little he
would take us to see the B-17’s that were on tour. He showed us around the
plane and explained what each person did on the plane and what the different
instruments were. Eventually he had not only us as his audience, but many other
people who went to see the plane that day. Seeing the B-17’s has become a
tradition for us and every time one is in town we go and see it. My grandpa
gives us a firsthand experience about history, which we would not have gotten
anywhere else. After my grandpa was released from the Army Air Corps, he worked
many jobs including: firing on the railroad, owning a hardware store and
working as a contractor (Gutmann). He taught us that in order to get anywhere
in life, you must be willing to work hard. This is one trait that really hit
home. Growing up playing baseball and then softball, our coaches always said
that we were some of the hardest working girls that they had ever seen. To this
day, I still do my best and work hard because I have been given an opportunity
to go to college that not many people get. My grandparents also taught us how
to do yard work, housework and to cook. My sister Melissa and I go to their
house every Friday to do these things for them because “they are getting old
and it is just too hard for them to push the sweeper and pull weeds” (Gutmann).
From my grandparents I have learned the firsthand story of history, the value
of hard work, housework, yard work and how to cook, among other things.
My parents have also been a major
influence in my life through the opportunities and knowledge that they have
given me. People always say that they want to give their children a better life
than they themselves had and I believe that my parents have done so. Neither of
my parents attended college simply because their own parents could not afford
it; my mom is one of four while my dad is one of six. Though my mom’s brother
went to college because he was the only son in the family and at that time, if
only one child could attend college, it was the male. My parents decided before
they even had children that we would be given the opportunity to attend
college. In today’s society it is the “norm” to go to college, when my
grandparents began saving, it was not. My parents have essentially given me
everything that I want yet at the same time made me do things that they wish
they could have done “when they were my age” (Harber). One example of this is
taking piano lessons. I dreaded going to piano lessons and practicing daily for
two years and eventually my mom allowed me to quit. Nonetheless sometimes I
wish I had paid attention and could play the piano. More recently, I have
learned that my parents also taught me how a marriage and family should be
raised. Many of my friends’ parents have gone through a divorce and they do not
have a good relationship with one parents or the other. Many also do not
participate in family dinners and often eat on their own schedule/time; however
I do not remember a time when my family did not eat together around the table.
I think this time gives families a way to take time out of their busy schedules
and spend time together. I am glad that I grew up in a traditional home, with
my parents still married to each other, because without them, I do not know
where I would be.
Thomas Jefferson once said “the
happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in
the bosom of my family” (Famous Quotes). I believe that this quote applies to
my own life very much. We never had scheduled “family game nights” like some
families did but instead we spent time with each other each day. Whether it was
playing cards, eating dinner or even just watching television together, my
family spent time together every day. Many people ask me what it is like being
a triplet or what it was like to grow up as a triplet; it is often hard to
explain. I do know that I am dependent, confident, a leader, hard working and
have learned important life lessons because of my sisters, grandparents and
parents though.
Works
Cited
Gutmann,
Louanna. Personal interview conducted on August 29, 2011
Harber,
Janel. Personal interview conducted on August 29, 2011
Jefferson,
Thomas. "Family Quotes and Sayings." Sayings and Quotes | Quotesnsayings.com. Web. 07 Sept. 2011.
<http://www.quotesnsayings.com/family/>.
2) Take a look at the introduction and conclusion; do they gel, or is one more specific than the other? Going along with that, is the thesis clear/specific enough?
It’s important to always interpret the quotes you use in a paper. For instance, pretend this is your source.
“Students who don’t do this often get lower grades.” Taken from “Good Student Writing” by Michael Meyerhofer.
You have to smoothly introduce the quote, cite
it, and respond. You also need
parenthetical citations with paragraph numbers.
I agree with Professor Meyerhofer when he says, “It’s important to always interpret the quotes you use in a paper” (par. 2). This is important because, as Meyerhofer also points out, students who fail to do this could get lower grades (par. 3).
FOR PEER REVIEWERS:
1) Take a look at the topic sentences (aka the first sentence of every paragraph except the intro and conclusion). Remember, everything in a given body paragraph should relate back to its topic sentence. If it doesn’t, make a note.
1) Take a look at the topic sentences (aka the first sentence of every paragraph except the intro and conclusion). Remember, everything in a given body paragraph should relate back to its topic sentence. If it doesn’t, make a note.
2) Take a look at the introduction and conclusion; do they gel, or is one more specific than the other? Going along with that, is the thesis clear/specific enough?
3) Any mistakes
in citation?
4) The paper
shouldn’t just sound like a story or a collection of
stories/recollections. Is the paper clear on why these events are
significant? In other words, does each paragraph contain a statement
explaining the importance of what’s been discussed?
5) Highlight any awkward patches, grammatical hiccups, general WTF moments, etc.
Quotes…
5) Highlight any awkward patches, grammatical hiccups, general WTF moments, etc.
Quotes…
It’s important to always interpret the quotes you use in a paper. For instance, pretend this is your source.
“Students who don’t do this often get lower grades.” Taken from “Good Student Writing” by Michael Meyerhofer.
I agree with Professor Meyerhofer when he says, “It’s important to always interpret the quotes you use in a paper” (par. 2). This is important because, as Meyerhofer also points out, students who fail to do this could get lower grades (par. 3).
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